Well, as many of you know I returned to the full time work world a few months ago. I actually enjoy the work I do and the public I work with, however, the work enviroment has become increasingly worse. My bosses appear to be trying to fix it so I'm hanging in there but I don't know for how much longer.
I recently became the target of some coworkers who are systematically trying to get some of us to quit. Through tears I fought back. I don't think they were expecting me to stand my ground. Believe me I have wanted to run for the door several times over the last couple of weeks and I still may. I might as well tell you I'm in the minorty at my place of employment and those in the majority are working to keep it that way. They want people like me gone, and no I'm not imagining this. I think my bosses think I am though.
I'm sinking deeper into a depressive state and fighting everyday to reach the surface for some air. Sometimes it comes, sometimes I'm still swimming with everything I've got. I just want to go to work and enjoy what I'm doing, but when all you want to do is cry and crawl into a corner somewhere it's not working.
Sometimes people in other departments will say hi to me in the mornings with the standard greeting of "How are you?" I always answer "fine," but inside I feel like I'm lying and that they can see it on my face. I'm not hiding it well anymore. My boss wanted to talk to me about something else entirely and I broke down in tears. We talked about things and tried to find some resolutions, but I wish she had never seen that side of me. I've worked hard to control my emotions (unfortunately, when your ADHD emotional control can be difficult) and lately I've lost a lot of what I spent a lifetime working on. Right now the tears have been flowing, but if they keep pushing me my temper will surface and good sense may not stop me from letting someone have it.
To put it more concisely "I'm being pushed to the limit and I don't know how far I can go before I collapse."
9 comments:
Siren's right. I've been there, I know how awful it can be. I'm so very sorry, Baby. Email me with your free day next week, or you can call me - my cell number should be on the Chickenshack db - maybe we can hang out (I'll be out of town through Tuesday).
You've worked so hard to get to where you are - don't let them win. Don't let them take this away from you. You deserve better! I love you!!!
The resume is being polished as we speak.
siren: I remember the health dept. I'm trying to do just what you are saying.
Samantha Alice: I would love to get together next week but we are headed for the beach. Thank heavens for fall break.
Part of the prblem is they want me to cut corners to job the same way they do and I refuse. It is really pissing some of them off. They say I'm doing my job to slowly. Considering what we do I don't think cutting corners to get things done faster is a good idea at all.
BTW, thanks, I knew gals would understand. I love you.
{{{BIG HUGS}}} HippyChick! Siren and Sam gave you great advice, so I'll just feel you up :)
I tried to feel you up, but JY's hand was in the way.
So that was ME pinchin' yer butt.
I am sorry to hear that you are going through this...I have not been good about coming here and reading up on everyone...I can't say that I have had the experience you are having but then I have been in the same place forever.
I do feel though that there is nothing worse that being miserable on the job. I know you like your work...that was obvious on the trip to FL...you talked about it in a very positive light.
I hope you can find some peace and balance...
Hugs
I went through the same thing at the bank. All of my coworkers who hadn't quit were females and one of them was a serious man-hater. She got our manager into a ton of trouble and he was demoted. Before he left us they made him promote only females to all the team lead positions (because of a lawsuit Morgan Keegan agreed to settle), which had been left open for over a year, and she become my team lead. As soon as she got the chance she started attacking me every single day. No one would back me up because no man in management is going to stand up for any other man. That could mean losing his own job. So I was screwed.
Incidentally, no matter how evil she is, being promoted to team lead over me couldn't change the misery of her daily life, which she made for herself. She's been married and divorced 4 times. She burned down her own apartment complex and had nowhere to live, so she grabbed a new husband as fast as she could. She's currently latched onto a blind black blues musician who has a teenaged son that she is constantly at war with, plus his black ex-wife who hates her and let's her know it. She's a fat, white woman from Houston who tries to talk with the voice of a tiny little girl, but when you watch her she'll slip up every now and then and the real monster inside comes out, especially when she's on her cell phone with her step-son. She's constantly attacking the males in management above all of us and getting them all into trouble. She isn't handicapped, but she's overweight enough to get a handicapped sticker through a friend (Memphis is infamous for its corruption in handing out tags and license plates to people not eligible), so she parks her truck in handicapped parking just because she's lazy and can get away with it. She was just this year diagnosed as diabetic, caused by her eating habits and lack of exercise, but still she sits in her cube eating candy all day, every day, never moving except to dial the phone and get someone into trouble.
I realize that there's no such thing as karma. I know perfectly well that evil people almost never pay for the things that they do. But I know this woman is slowly sinking and will die in a hospital bed in self-induced misery at the rate she's going.
Plus, they are shutting down the Memphis office slowly and steadily and she's going to lose that job no matter who she threatens. It's just a matter of time. And not much time, at that.
Hang on and be strong. I know it's hard when you work with evil, rotten people that management is too cowardly to stand up to, but unless people like us start finding the strength to fight back it will only get worse. If they don't stop then I'd say call yourself a lawyer and make sure you document all the times you've complained about what they're doing to you. And in the meantime, do keep looking. If you can move on to something better and leave them behind with their hate then you are the ultimate winner.
Sorry for rambling like a meth addict here. You just got me to thinking about what I just finished going through myself.
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